They say it’s a thin line between pleasure and pain. Do you know where your erotic edges lie? If you’re in a relationship that’s getting a little — well, kosher and predictable — experts agree the best thing you can do to perform a little relationship CPR is bring an element of the naughty into the bedroom.
Exploring your erotic edges with your partner to fan the flames of desire once again can be even more explosive when you’re in a committed relationship because, this time ‘round, you know your partner. The problem is perhaps you know them too well. Are you sure you’ve both discovered all there is to know about each other? After all, couples who play together stay together. And the most effective way to establish that passion and trust again is to explore your erotic edges together. If you want to know how to bring sexy back in to your relationship, we’ve got two sexually-charged words for you: Erotic. Spanking.
Spanking, like any other sexual act and preference, exists on a spectrum. You can incorporate it lightly and occasionally or you can intensify it, use toys and bring your partner to climax with a steady increase in pressure, helping her experience that exquisite boundary between pleasure and pain. Exploring your erotic edges with your partner through spanking can start off nice and easy, with just a light slap to your partner’s backside. Many men love the feeling of smacking their lover’s backside during a deeply penetrating round of doggy and get even more turned on by the fact that their partner’s enjoy it. In fact, many women love the idea of having some intense attention and action on their rear ends because it not only has the feeling of, “I just gotta have you right now” but it feels incredibly risqué and kinky.
Mastering the art of erotic spanking can also be a great way to indulge in some foreplay and sexual build-up. Sexy role play featuring dominant and submissive roles are the perfect segue for some light spanking and you can kick it up a notch by introducing a couple of props and naughty play things like handcuffs or a tasseled whip. The idea here is to arouse your partner and yourself by engaging in a mix of pleasure and pain. That feeling of not knowing what’s coming next is very exciting and stimulating for both partners, especially if you find yourself craving some sexy power play. You can use toys such as whips and crops to deliver that sharp blow to your partner’s waiting derriere over and over again, increasing in intensity, then going slow or alternating between the light, tickling sensation of a feather and the firm smack of a crop.
Spanking establishes a really interesting dynamic between the two partners. There’s an element of surprise and of being able to experience the taboo. Let’s be honest: it’s like the gateway drug to harder pleasures, perhaps even hovering the edge of BDSM and if you’re open-minded enough to allow your partner to indulge in some heavy-handed love-taps, or if you've observed that your lover craves some posterior attention during sex then a channel of communication opens up to try out so much more.
Spanking can be seen as a mild form of punishment or it can help partners assume a role or an identity so that they can play and explore sexually. But some women love the feel of a good, hard spanking session not only because it’s so intimate and intense but also because the idea of being under the control of their lover so completely and in such a vulnerable and submissive position can be incredibly arousing to them as well as the dominant partner, who gets to exert force and control.
It’s also a source of sexual release for many men and women. Because a prolonged session of spanking on your buttocks is traditionally painful, partners being spanked can enjoy the sensation of healing and the increase and decrease in intensity. Of course, biologically speaking, stimulation to a tender area like the buttocks is bound to result in intensified sensations. A good smack (or four!) from your lover connects the physical act to a deep psychological need — the association you have with your partner, sex and arousal comes in this one good love tap.
If you’ve been looking to spice things up in your relationship, indulging in spanking might be just what you and your partner need. The point is to be able to explore your edges together and start off slowly. Spanking your partner or being spanked (and loving every minute of it) has very little to do with power dynamics and has everything to do with the level of trust and communication you’ll need to bring.
Your partner should begin slow in a comfortable position. The “spankee”, so to speak, can be spread across the spanker’s lap or can use a chair for support while bending over. Begin with soft taps and intersperse these with more gentle caresses. You can lavish some kisses and alternate between slow and faster. Talk to your partner during the process and see what the receiver prefers. If you hear positive encouragement, you know you can go a little harder. You can even use furry paddles and mix this with a feather crop. Whimpers of pain ecstasy are different from those in genuine pain so make sure you establish some boundaries.
The fleshiest part of the rear end is the best place for beginners so start and this is around where the butt and upper thigh meet. Both partners can establish trust and learn what the other likes. If your partner enjoys having some light fond light to their genital area, you’ll learn about this too. Some may also enjoy light love-tapping around the genital area and backs of the thigh. Let your partner, the receiver, direct the pace of the spanking because this establishes trust both ways. The receiver knows the spanker will honor their boundaries and the spanker is supremely turned on knowing that they’re able to provoke this kind of pleasure and emotion from their spankee.
When you’re both ready to take it to the next level, you’ll be able to mutually agree.
Safe spanking is an absolute must. Many people assume that men are always going to be up for a little domination and control but this is not always the case. Both people in a relationship are tapping into power dynamics on a daily basis — but when you bring it into the bedroom with spanking, it becomes a lot more explicit and obvious. Men, just as much as women, can find it discomforting to try and wrap their heads around how to “hurt” their partner.
But spanking or introducing a little pain is not at all the opposite of “love”. When you agree to your partner’s request, as long as you’re comfortable with it, you’re actually loving them the way they want to be loved. Talking to each other beforehand and through the actual spank sessions removes aspects of perceived anger or violence.
In the beginning, instead of spanking each other, it can help to establish spanking in a “role-playing” only context. So this means maybe your partner was a bad student who needs a little discipline. Role-playing keeps things sexy and light-hearted, especially if you’re only beginning to explore the erotic edges of your desires and want to get comfortable. Eventually, partners are able to intuitively sense when something is off — perhaps the spankee’s mood or emotional triggers, for example — but its always best to create a safeword, something way more than the simple, “no” or “stop”. Immersing your relationship in the exploration of kink is sure to bring back that fire but it also means you’re sometimes playing with fire unless you set up boundaries and safewords.
When partners say this word, the other knows they cannot progress any further. At this point, you can cease the action and talk to each other, perhaps moving on to something else together. And if you’re still asking yourself what the allure is about spanking, it’s time to have a talk with your partner. You may not find it immediately obvious but there may be an inner wildness to your partner, waiting to come out. Spanking in the bedroom requires both partners to speak up — whether it’s in pleasure or not!
Image sources Image 1 Fotolia.com - Anatol Misnikou Image 2 Fotolia.com - Stefan_weis