Everyone’s been there. You hook-up with a girl, meet up, chat and everything goes well. Your eyes meet, you’ve got plenty in common and, in an ideal world, nothing would stand between you and her bedroom.
However, as soon as you leave the bar, you start to worry. Was she really as into you as she seemed? What should you say to show her you are interested, but not too interested? How fast should you move? These are all vital questions after a great first date, and none of them should get in the way when you can’t wait to take your relationship to the next level.
OK, technically this isn’t advice about how to text after the first date, but it makes things much easier. When you attend the first date, try to lead the conversation onto second date ideas. You could chat about films that are coming out, gigs you want to see or restaurants she might be into. Try to leave the date with at least vague plans to meet up to enjoy each other’s company in the near future. You don’t need to have organized a second date down to the last detail, but it helps to have something to work with when it comes to texting.
The idea of “playing it cool” is one of the most dangerous in the dating game. It might be tempting to wait a couple of days before following up your date with a suggestion about another meeting, but this is a big no-no. Your date may well be looking at other guys online. She probably doesn’t know you well enough to commit to you without more contact, and she could easily find someone else in a few days. Given that, it doesn’t hurt to text almost immediately after the date. Don’t bombard her with affectionate “x’s” or suggest a date the next day. Just tell her you had a good time. She’ll probably get back to you with a similar message and you can move on from there.
But what about the actual content of your texts? Attention to detail is the key to making a great post-date impression. The conversation you had at your first date was a goldmine of information about what she likes, her sense of humor, her professional live, her character, friends, family etc.. If you were paying attention, you’ll have plenty of things to refer to in your texts. It might be a joke she made about someone in the bar, or a reference to a film. If you include it in your texts, she will be impressed by the fact that you were listening to her, and it will reinforce the idea that the two of you have plenty in common.
It’s not always easy to suggest what to write. That will depend on who your date is and how your first date went. However, it’s much easier to suggest what not to write. Avoid short, abrupt texts like “Hey, how u doing?”. They might seem risk-free, but they are bland, unimpressive and just say to your date that you can’t be bothered to think up something witty and personal. Check your spelling and grammar too. If your date has half a brain, illiteracy can be a major turn-off. Don’t be vague either. If she suggests a place to meet, don’t say “maybe but what if…” or “I’ll just check my schedule”. Responses like that will instantly irritate her. Your date wants clarity about how serious you are. They want to know that you are excited about getting to know them. Any vagueness just indicates that you are distracted, potentially by other women.
In an age of instant communication, a lot of guys expect their dates to get back to them straight away with a response to their text messages. However, not everyone replies at the same pace. Some people like to think about what to say or leave their texts until after work. Some girls could be shy and uncertain about whether to respond or they might wait until a witty response strikes them. Whatever you do, don’t become sullen or impulsively send a second text. That kind of passive-aggressive texting will instantly turn her off. Have faith that she will get back to you. If it’s meant to be, she definitely will.
Another way of looking at timing is like this. When you really want something, what happens when you are made to wait? Do you stop wanting it? Eventually, perhaps. But for a while, your anticipation grows and the desire for the thing becomes more intense. The same applies to romance. If you keep her waiting for a few hours, but not too long, the tension will grow.
When it comes to actually asking her out for the second time, texting might actually not be the best approach. Text messages come across as lightweight and lacking in seriousness, but phone calls have much more impact. When you can hear the voice of someone, it’s much harder to say no. However, don’t just call your date straight away and demand another meeting. Ask her via text message whether it would be alright to call and when. She will appreciate the consideration and you’ll know more about where you stand when she says yes.
This one’s a pro-tip from bitter experience. When she sends you her number, don’t just file it under her name in your phone book. Instead, use a letter that is rarely used for contacts and add that letter before her name (X or Q usually work pretty well). That way, you will be much less likely to call or text her by accident when telling your friends how the date went. It might sound unlikely, but this kind of miscommunication happens all the time. Don’t let it happen to you.
The way you use your smartphone can dictate whether your relationship fizzles out miserably or catches alight. By avoiding the temptation to send a flood of texts, keeping in mind your conversation on the first date, proof-reading for errors, and spending some time writing text messages that engage her, you can keep your date interested and excited about seeing you again.