So you’ve been having a great time hooking up with that guy or gal in your life that’s pretty much the best sex you’ve ever had. But, you got way more than you bargained for. See, what started out as the very definition of “wham, bam, thank ya ma’am!” slowly and unexpectedly morphed into something with the potential for a real relationship.
How did that happen? And, more importantly, what do you do now? Have you messed it up so badly with this whole booty call routine you both have perfected over the last few months, to really ever go back to seeing each other as possible partners?
It’s tricky, there’s no denying that. But, the good news is that, with a little bit of strategic planning (not “playing") and rewiring your own behaviour, you can start to have the relationship you’ve always wanted. Turn that “best sex you’ve ever had” into an affair to remember – and hold on to with our 5 best tips!
And we mean this in the best way possible – with a booty call, it’s all about availability and syncing up times to meet each other. Even if you plan it in advance, you know you’re just a stop on the line, so to speak, or “Tuesday’s girl”.
You want to be able to reduce your availability. This works on two levels: one, it surprises him because it breaks the pattern you both have gotten into. And, secondly, it shows him that you’ve got other things going on in your life than simply waiting for a hook-up session.
This can definitely be a struggle if you like him a lot, especially at first, as you get adjusted to your new “tactics”. But consistency is key here – if he asks for a late-night hook-up, feel free to decline as many as you want before he gets the sense that something’s up and broaches the topic himself.
There’s a saying that goes something like this: “People will always treat you the way you feel you deserve to be treated”. And there’s a lot of truth in that. If you expect a certain kind of behaviour from your hook-up and you want to turn it into a relationship, start to cut out behaviour that makes it feel like just a hook-up.
This means setting up some important boundaries about when he can and can’t expect your company and, when you guys do meet and get together, what that time should feel like. Start to drop subtle hints about outings, get him to meet you in a public place first and you’ll be well on your way to transforming your hook-up into a date... which could then move to grounds for a relationship.
Remind him what a great time you have already – now, you just want to enhance it by exploring the emotional side of your great intimacy. It’s with this attitude that you should walk in. If he spoils you with gifts, let him. And always be well dressed – no more sweats and t-shirt routine!
One of the main ways a booty call differs vastly from a relationship is the sense of instant gratification and convenience. And nothing feels more “instant”, when it comes to communication, than texting. Also, really great and long-lasting relationships are built on great communication.
If you want to fan the flames of desire for a relationship, rather than a booty call, start turning those rapidfire texts into actual phone calls. Calls are usually what girlfriends and boyfriends do and, even if it’s short and sweet in the beginning, there is something intimate about the potential for a longer conversation that a phone call presents.
When you’re enjoying each other as a booty call, or only an activity that is one part of the rest of your night, there’s no time to be intimate.
If you’re looking to become girlfriend material, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and let him see you like that. That does not mean you need to get overly emotional and spill your guts. Nobody likes drama and if your booty call is used to just coming over to grab the goods, he’s not going to have much incentive to stay if you’re a mess.
On the other hand, don’t be afraid to pop a bottle of wine, ask about his day and share your own. You never know where these beautiful conversations will take you or how they’ll heighten your connection.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s always the little things that count and that are noticed. With booty calls, you don’t have to care about how you dress, how you act or any of that – after all, you’re not here to make an impression or prove you’d make a great partner.
You’re both just there for the great sex. But when you want to take it to the relationship level, you’ve got to care about the small things. Put effort into your appearance and your surroundings, especially if he’s coming over to your place. You can lay out some dinner or suggest he stay for a movie after.
If he’s ever mentioned that there’s a kind of food he’s always wanted to try or really likes, you could definitely order some in to enjoy together. Set the mood – candles are fair game. Woo your booty call into being a “boo” and he’ll get the message.
Take all these tips with a grain of salt and with a lot of self-respect. If, even after all these efforts, your booty call just doesn’t want to try a relationship on for size or confesses they can’t commit or ever see you that way, that is their prerogative.
It doesn’t have anything to do with who you are or your decisions. It simply may not be the right time or even the right person. So don’t push anything – the right relationships are easy.